Lenalee’s Resolve: Covering chapters 148 and 149

June 17, 2008 at 9:17 pm | In characterization | Leave a Comment
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This is a continuation of my other essay — about Lenalee’s and Komui’s thoughts on each other in chapter 130 and 140. This essay will start where that one left off on how Lenalee finally reached a resolve to reunite with her Innocence. It covers chapter 148 and 149.

After the shaking stopped from the Level 4, the nurse realized Lenalee was not wearing any shoes. The thought of putting something on never occurred to Lenalee since she was going to synth with her Innocence anyway, there was no need to wear shoes. But another reason could be that she has never worn regular shoes in a long time. For years, her shoes has been Innocence, and she has gotten used to wearing Innocence, which caused her feet to be heavy.

Not wearing them now, she is much lighter on her feet, but why should she wear shoes when she was going to, in any minute, synth with her Innocence? Wearing something else didn’t matter to her, however the nurse would have none of it and gave her a pair of shoes to wear. It caused Lenalee to almost lose control.

It wasn’t the kind gesture of the nurse, but the fact that she was wearing normal shoes for the first time in a long while. It was not Innocence, but regular shoes that any normal person could wear, a pair of shoes that Lenalee may have worn when young, before this whole ordeal began. It was something she craved, something that was hidden deep inside her that she always hid underneath when at war.

She never thought to wear normal shoes that anyone else wore, because when was she ever normal? She was a solider in the Black Order, and wearing Innocence was normal to her. But wearing these pair of normal shoes reminded her how she always wanted to be normal, how she always longed to have a life that wasn’t filled with death and pain, and these shoes brought out feelings that she may have rather kept hidden. She said the shoes were “warm.” It wouldn’t start turning on her, or confusing her, or become a weapon that could control her and turn her life upside down. It was a normalcy that she longed for.

But she also longs to not hurt her brother. A part of her longs to be normal, however she knows that all she can do is fight when her family is in danger. And she needs the Innocence to fight — an Innocence that she hates because it stole her life away and is the cause of her brothers pain, and is the sole reason that she has to fight in the war in the first place.

Now she doesn’t know what to do; she is conflicted. Should she help her friends, or do as her brother wishes? She doesn’t want her brother to be sad, which was why she wanted to protect him, but the only way to do that is the synth with her Innocence; however that is the reason her brother is in pain. He doesn’t want her to die.

She didn’t mean to say that she wanted to die. She didn’t mean for her brother to think that she wanted to carelessly throw her life away. She just wanted Komui to understand that she would do anything to protect her friends, even if it means putting her own life in danger. She doesn’t want to die, but Komui does not see it that way and thinks that she has already turned into a solider that the Black Order wants her to be, and that he has been trying to protect Lenalee from in the first place. It is the reason he is there.

So now Lenalee is conflicted on what to do. Angry, she yelled that she hated the Innocence, probably an outburst that she has kept inside for so long. She hates the Innocence for what it had done to her and her brother. She doesn’t want anymore pain.

But then Leverrier appears before her, a man from her dark days in the Order, a man who would not let her escape the terrible nightmare the Order has put her through. She puts all her loneliness, frustration, and sadness from her younger days into the man who now stood before her as the Black Order was tearing down all around them by a rampage Level 4. And again he wants her to be an Exorcist, he screams at her in fact; he wants her to use Innocence that may kill her. He wants her to be a weapon that her brother does not want her to be.

But she is scared of this man who represents everything she hates about the Order, and when he tries to grab her to take her to see Hevlaska, she is repulsed and slaps his hand away. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with this man. But a part of her is also scared at what may happen if she follows him. She wanted to see Hevlaska at first, but her brother’s tears and her own fears were now conflicting within her, making her uncertain on what to do.

Even though both the nurse and Lavi tries to defend Lenalee from Leverrier, his words get to her. She is an Exorcist, one of the only few in fact. If everyone is in danger from an Akuma, who else but an Exorcist can get rid of them? This is something that she has known all along; however, her wish for normalcy had stray her from the path of an Exorcist.

When her brother came before her and did everything he could to be by her side, threw his own life away to help her, she knew that she had to do the same as well. She had to throw her own life away to become an Exorcist, however it was a decision that still weighed heavily on her. It is something she does not want and Komui also feels the same way. He doesn’t wish this upon his sister, but knows that she has no choice. This is her destiny, a fate God has chosen for her by allowing her to use Innocence as a weapon. But she had to be strong, just like Komui. She decided to fight for her brother.

And now the Innocence is testing her; she cannot run away again. Even though Komui wishes her to not test the Innocence, she knows that she cannot run away from it, even if it makes him sad. This is the life that she now lives, and she must use Innocence and become an Exorcist again.

She has made her decision. And although she is scared, so scared that her body shook, she gave the nurse the shoes she lent — a pair of shoes she knew that she may never wear again, and walked out of the ward determined to let the Innocence test her. She thanked the nurse for defending her and helping her, and although the nurse is horrified that one as young as her is walking to a death’s embrace, Lenalee knows that this is normal.

Komui and Lenalee: Their thoughts on each other as seen in Chapter 138 and 140.

January 22, 2008 at 8:35 pm | In characterization | Leave a Comment
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In the recent chapters, we’ve been given a lot of insight into Lenalee and Komui’s thoughts and how they view each other. Here is just a little something I wrote on what I think they may be thinking in Chapter 138 and 140. We’re given insight into what is in store for Lenalee’s future and shown how both Komui and Lenalee view this information.

Lenalee at the moment is confused and angry, she feels helpless as her Innocence decides to have a mind of its own. She cannot reunite with her Innocence without dire consequences and these consequences worry her greatly. She had just found out from Helvaska that her Innocence is evolving, and it may be similar to those with a strong parasitic-type Innocence. However, Helvaska doesn’t truly know because this is a phenomenon never before seen; she can only guess.

But her guess worries both Lenalee and Komui. Lenalee finds out that those with strong parasitic-type Innocence lives less than other humans. This is something she has never heard of before. Her shock is enough proof. It’s very important information about the Innocence in general, but the Order kept it a secret, and for good reason. It would do no good to worry those with a parasitic-type Innocence. But Helvaska thought it important to tell Lenalee this, and that she should be prepared if she ever decided to activate her Innocence again.

Lenalee is very shocked about this information. She knew her Innocence had suffered greatly from her maximizing its power, however she thought that training was all she needed to get the Innocence back. It would take time, but eventually she would be using her Innocence again. Although she felt helpless and angry that she had to stay in the sidelines as her friends fought, what kept her going was the thought that even though she was injured, she would heal and reunite with her Innocence.

(I just want to say that Lenalee may not have thought it may be easy to reunite with her Innocence while in the Ark. Around the time, she was more worried about her friends than her Innocence, although it was hard for her to deal with her injury. I really need to reread her thoughts during that time and I may write something about it. It doesn’t really belong in this essay since it is about the most recent chapters.)

However, the information she just received is far different from what she thought. Reuniting with her Innocence will be dangerous and highly risky. Who could say she would survive the encounter? A warrior she may be, but this is the weapon she had grown up with. The Innocence had been with her since a child; she had been kidnapped because of the Innocence. She was highly compatible with the Innocence and knew how to use the power well and now she finds what she thought of her Innocence may not be true. It is evolving to something completely different, something that may slowly take her life away. Now the weapon that had saved her many times, that she has relied on, may slowly kill her.

This worries her greatly, and rightly so. If she didn’t worry, then she wouldn’t be human. However, even with her troubled thoughts, she wanted to reunite with her Innocence anyway. When she found out in Chapter 140 that her friends were fighting, with their life on the line, she wasn’t going to stand on the sidelines again. She wouldn’t be able to stand it. It may be extremely risky, but she is willing the take the chance. She is not the type of woman to mope about it constantly; she is very strong and wanted to prove herself to her Innocence. When the chance came to fight, she responded with action and determination instead of self-pity. She wanted to prove that she could still fight, even with the consequences. All she had to do was reunite with her Innocence.

However, Komui would have none of this.

Although she was willing to sacrifice herself if need be, Komui wasn’t willing to lose his sister. Understandable, yes? Komui wanted to protect his sister from everything — from the Order, enemies, and even her Innocence. It was the main reason he was in the Order in the first place, in order to be with his sister and protect her from becoming a mere weapon to everyone around her. The Order wants to use her and the Innocence wants to use her. Komui wants Lenalee to remain as human as possible, to have a natural life as much as possible. It is almost an impossible feat in this war; however, he is there to protect her from becoming nothing but a harden person that the Order and Innocence can do with as pleased. She is a young woman who deserves to have as much of a real life as possible and Komui didn’t want her to be a sacrifice for the Innocence and the war.

However, his worst fears have been confirmed. In Chapter 138, when Helvaska revealed the consequences of activating her Innocence, Komui has such pain on his face and he can’t hide it. When she reunites with her Innocence, it would use her as nothing more than a weapon and slowly drain her life away. She would be nothing but a tool for the Innocence. Such consequences is not something that he wants Lenalee to face, but he knows eventually she may have to.

She is compatible with the Innocence and she may still be able to use it; the Order would not let her off from not using it. There is not much Exorcists and if she can still use it — then consequences be damned. Komui may not be able to fight against the order on this considering they need as much warriors as possible and he knows this. However, he can stall for time. He doesn’t want her to be sacrificed just yet. He doesn’t want the Order and the Innocence to use her as they please. Once it happens, he may not be able to protect her and such a thought would truly make him feel helpless.

So once she tried to reach Helvaska for her Innocence in Chapter 140, Komui locked her in the Hospital room. Lenalee begs Komui to let her go so she can reunite with her Innocence, even at the consequence that she would die. And seeing his sister carelessly toss her life at the expense for her friends had shown him how much this war has already effected Lenalee. He doesn’t want her sacrificed for the war and she was so willing to do so. He cannot stand the thought that she is willing to be a weapon at the expense for her life, that she wants to go into the battle even though the Innocence may not respond to her at all.

Lenalee doesn’t view it this way however. Her world is consisted of her friends and she cannot stand to see her friends in battle as she just remains on the sideline. If they die and she wasn’t there to help prevent it, it would truly destroy her. She needs her Innocence badly in order to join the battle. She doesn’t view it as a sacrifice, but as a necessity. She has almost been in the Order all her life and exposed to this war. This is her life.

But Komui doesn’t want her consumed by the war. If she does, then her life has been sacrificed to the Order and even her Innocence. But Komui blames himself when he sees his sister only caring about the well being of her friends more than herself. He only cares about her life. He will be sad if anyone he cares about dies, but it is Lenalee he loves above anyone else, and he would be devastated if she died. It would be a death that would destroy him. He already lost his parents and losing Lenalee would be the end of the world for him. [DF]

When she sees how deeply he cares for her she is definitely shocked at how he views her words. She is not wanting to hurt his feelings or make it seem like she has no regards for his feelings whatsoever. Her words seem so cruel to him, her own disregard for her life is like a cut through his heart. I don’t think she was thinking about how cruel her own words can seem to Komui. She only wanted to help her friends and not feel helpless about her own predicament. She may not completely understand what Komui may be going through in regards to her. She doesn’t view her life and her role in the war the way Komui does. She may not realize how much she has been hardened by the war, more hardened than most women ever will be. She has probably no one to compare herself to except other Exorcists; but they are warriors like her, and willing to sacrifice their own life if need be, but no normal human being would.

She may not understand but she saw how much it hurts her brother and she may be more careful in the future. But who truly knows? I don’t think Lenalee can really sit still and Komui cannot protect her forever. She is almost a grown woman now and she will decided what her fate should be.

This was also posted on Livejournal

New Blog

January 22, 2008 at 8:27 pm | In personal | Leave a Comment

I’ve tried Livejournal, and let’s say that me and Livejournal don’t agree. So now I’m trying WordPress. Let’s see how it goes.

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